Another thing, one of my other BFF's was also thinking about suicide! luckly this other friend mentioned above, told an adult! SHe talked it out and everything so now.... that other friend is fine! THANK GOD! but still,
GOD PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T LET HER GO THROUGH WITH IT!!! WE NEED HER!!!! AND WE LOVE HER PLEASE LET HER SEE HOW MUCH WE LOVE HER, AND PLEASE LET HER LIVE HER LIFE...... PLEASE LET HER SEE THAT LIFE IS A WONDERFUL THING.... AND PLEASE, STRIP HER OF HER TROUBLES!!!!! PLEASE! AMEN!
sorry, that was just a little of my christian side kicking its way in there! but please, even though u might not no her..... pray 4 her...... pray 4 us...... i dont want her to b just another satistic! she is worth more than that! She just cant see it yet!
here.... Best Friend..... if ur reading this..... this is just more quotes that we said!
me: no1 said u were a golden little Christian..... and ur gone? listen ur not gone!!!!u may feel that way but ur not! there is always a way! there is always a way to come back! there is always another chance.... u just have to choose the path that leads to that second chance!
her: that path was buried and burned a long time ago
me: but that path isn't that hard to find again! its the choice to try to find that path again!
and if u find the path, to take it or not!
her: i walked down that path not very long ago. but it just made a loop and brought me right back here
me: thats the thing, find the path again.... and try to stay on that path! It is difficult! i no! and yes there r other little paths that split off and create other paths.... but the trick is to stay on the path that heads in the other direction! The direction of a new life of a new chance! and the thing is....well just think of it like a board game! i mean think about it..... certain choices just take u back to the beginning but what do u do when u play a board game? if u get sent back to the beginning.... do u just give up and decide to quite the game? NO! u keep going! life really is like a board game.... u sum times pull cards that bring u back to the beginning.... but then there is still another chance to win the game.... do u want to win the game? don't u want to win at life?
its the game of LIFE!
her: i've already lost.
me: no u havent!
her: the only im still here for is so i can help brit and dez! if they didnt dump all their issues on me, i would have been fucking free of life last week!
me: thats the thing u r just giving up.... ur not trying anymore! u need to try to find that path! that path will help u!!!! dont say that either!!!! im glad ur not gone! ur the best friend i've evr had in my intire life!!!! I SWEAR! God never stops handing out options for another chance.... the thing is that u just need to take that chance!
her: then i guess my little chances got lost in the mail.
me: ...... and NO! God doesnt let the chances he hands out, get lost in the mail!!!! he hands them to u directly! u just have to take it! TRY TO TAKE IT!
her: theres nothing left for me to take.
me: SHUT UP AND LISTEN! sorry. GOD doesnt just abandon his children like this! he is there! he is there, and he isnt gonna leave! he is trying to hand u the option of starting over! all u need to do is take the option! just take it!
God is there!
her: he may be here, but im not. thats the thing. i know hes there. i know im not alone. but thats jsut it. there's to much.
me: U NEED TO TRY HELP URSELF!!!! GOD CANT DO IT ON HIS OWN...... I MEAN HE CAN PROFORM MIRICALS BUT SUMTIMES MIRACLES NEED TO B HELPED ALONG!!!! U NEED TO LET THAT MIRACLE IN AND TRY TO LET IT HELP!
ok lets put it this way.....
do u want to b saved?
her: i want to. but im way to deep into a dark and desperate place to be saved.
me: WELL....
if u want to b saved wouldnt u jump at an oportunity to b saved?! wouldnt u want to b helping God and his little miracle? wouldnt u want to help God and that Special, miracle along? a miracle that is made just 4 u!wouldnt u?
her: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO HELP IT ALONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You dont understand! I don't have enough strength, enough will power, enough of ME to do anything for it!!!!!
me: ...... there is always sum thing left.... no matter how small u think it is.... no matter how much power it has..... that a mount of "power" or "Strength" or watever u want to call it, will b enough combined with that Miracle from God! either u or God can save u by itself.... u need both to survive it, or even to have the feeling that u COULD make it through, or even that u COULD make it at least 1 more day! ICON CHANGE IT!
her: no. there is nothing left. all you see when u look at me is this little shell filled with scum, fear, and pain. there is no strength. there is no will power. there is NOTHING left of me. im just a worthless little lying piece of scum! I DONT DESERVE A FUCKING MIRACLE
me: why is this feeling coming back? y do u think that?!?!?!?! y do u think
her: I DON'T KNOW!!! OKAY???? I JUST DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I EVER DONE FOR ANYONE?????????? HUH????? WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO IMPROVE ANYONES LIFE????????????????????????????? I DONT WANT TO FUCKING DEAL WITH LIFE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT FUCKING HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRITT WANTS TO COMMIT SUCIDE, MAYBE ILL FIND HER WHEN I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! DEZ ISNT EXACTLY DOING WELL, MAYBE SHELL JOIN US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THE FUCKING POINT WHEN THIS WORLD IS HEADED FOR FUCKING HELL ANYWAYS?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ALL I AM IS A WORTHLESS LITTLE SPECK IN THIS FUCKING HELL-HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and in case u couldnt tell by my writing, there is no way i am going to get through the rest of this without short-cercuting my keyboard
me: ..... my god..... sumtimes
her: yes, i am blind. i am fucking blind to WHAT?????? the fucking babies being born everyday? THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE SOMEDAY TOO!!!! what else? the beautiful flower, the miracles happening? the mountains? the beautiful earth? WHAT THE HELL DOES IT ALL MATTER????????????!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!????!!!??!?! IT'S ALL GOING TO BE GONE ANYWAYS sorry if i seem harsh.
me: its fine. sorry if i do 2...
her: its fine
me: it may b gone sumday.... but the point is to love it while u can.....
her: y? tell me at least that much. what is the point when itll be gone. I need a good answer.
me: wat do u mean? "Y?" there is a point! life is the point! dont think of the bad that it holds.... think of the good it holds!
her: but all that good will be gone anyways! so tell me, y should I even think of life at all? Why think of good or bad or the in between?
me:JUST 4 PLEASURE! LIFE CAN B GREAT IF U LET IT B!!!!! THE TRICK IS TO LET IT B!
her: once more: there will be better pleasure in heaven, so why wait aorund here? why not just head right there where everything is perfect, so I dont have to live in this hell hole? Why not live in heaven and perfection, compaired to the "beautiful-good-filled" HELL HOLE??
me: I CANT ANSWER THAT..... maybe u shood ask the youth group? or maybe u shood ask GOd..... if u still believe in him....
her: NO FUCKIN DUH I STILL BELIEVE IN HIM. thats my point. no one can answer it. so why dont i just head there before i go through anymore pain? doesn't it sound nice? I can live in perfect peace. Evrything will be right. I'll know there that everyone will be okay no matter what. I'll live before God... everything will be perfect...
me: do u think GOD? GOD WOULD WANT U TO GIVE UP?!?!?! thats the thing.... if GOD didnt want us to go thro wat life holds..... dont u think that he would have just left Earth alone? y would he put us on earth if there was no reason in it? there must b a reason..... there must b a reason y he wants us here, and not with him rite away! there just has to be a reason!
her: then y dont u tell me, wats my reason? I sure dont see one.
me: OMG! thats the point..... no one nos the reason they r put here..... until after they have made a difference! and if u end life now..... u wont have that chnace to make that difference!u have made 1 difference tho.... it has to do with me! U CHAGED MY LIFE 4 THE BETTER!!!! NOT THE WORSE THE BETTER!!!!!
her: ...
me: wat? its true...
her: *sigh*
me: if u made a difference in my life then whos to say that.... u wont make a difference in anyone else's life huh?
her: everything around me.
me: and if
her: k. ill be silent then. talk.
me: i talked! u just need to try to understand it!!!! GOd loves u, if he wanted u to b in heaven 4 all time, he would have just let u b in heaven, but no seeing has how he sent u to Earth, that means he wants u here!!!!! he wants u on EARTH!
her: maybe im supposed to commit suicide. ever thought of that? So many people have commited suicide, and if they weren't supposed, they wouldn't have. Maybe im supposed to. ever think of that?
me: listen......thats the thing..... maybe those ppl werent supposed to commit suicide! maybe they had a bigger purpose, but they killed themselves b4 they could even realize why they were really supposed to b there 4...... DONT B JUST ANOTHER SATISTIC!!!!! DONT!
her: and y not? all i am is a little worthless speck!!!!!!!!! so y not be just another worthless satistic?
me: have u not read anything i have said at all?!?!?!?!?! wat the fuck is so hard to realize wat im saying..... this isnt rocket science! its not that hard to understand wat iim saying!
her: then wat r u sayin. just put it flat out.
me: I ALREADY HAVE! fine i'll do it again!GOD MADE U 4 A PURPOSE, GOS WANTS U HERE, U ARNT SCUM OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT..... ECT. ECT.
and listen..... if my best friend is reading this.... she is gonna hate me 4ever! but seriously.... im sry u need help! AND its out of my hands..... Im sorry that i have failed u!! I tried......
Very sorry and very worried, best friend....
~Nudge
2 comments:
janae, u think u havent saved anyone, or helped anyone? just last year u saved me... saved me from me. i was just like u feel right now, and the day i met u, i was planning on commiting suicide, and then i met u, and u healed my wounds, u gave me the streanth to hol on to this precious life God gave to me. Now i have to give you that streanth, and AS GOD AS MY WITNESS I WILL NOT LOSE YOU! I CANT LOOSE YOU! janae, take back the streangth u gave 2 me, and use it to ur will. u need to take it back and twist it 2 ur soul. we cant lose u, and u know that w/o u, we'd all fall into the dark void, and u wud never see God's great golden gates to heaven. please, try, i give u my strenth, i give u my soul, i give u everything for u to be able to live. if u did it, it wud be like u took my heart
omfg she thinks that she hasn't improved anyones lives? does she know she SAVED mine??!?! Does she realized the good things she'll lose if she dies? does she? obviously not.
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